Chocolate and Sex: Body Painting with Bite!Feb 14, 2014
Love chocolate and sex? Then chocolate body paint might be just your thing!
Before you indulge, however, learn the “ins and outs” from Wendy Northcutt of The Darwin Awards Fame. Darwin Award winners “commemorate those individuals who ensure the long-term survival of our species by removing themselves from the gene pool in a sublimely idiotic fashion.” If they live to tell the tale, they must have lost their naughty bits or at least the capacity to reproduce.
It appears today’s gentleman only lost the use of his naughty bits for a time, but his story illustrates well the importance of learning from mothers and others how to turn up the heat properly. To wit:
“I was chatting with a tradesman’s apprentice whose boss was on a four–week leave of absence, claiming to have pulled a muscle in his leg. His customers complained mightily, as a backlog was piling up. My friend — who shall, like his boss remain nameless to protect his privacy — informed me of the real reason his boss was off work, a truth that he would not admit to his customers.
“He had arranged a romantic weekend with his girlfriend and had decided to spice up the evening with chocolate body paint. The instructions on the jar say to warm it in the microwave for a few seconds, but he misread the directions and microwaved it on high for two minutes.
“You know how a mother tests baby milk on the back of her hand, to make sure it’s not too hot? He didn’t. He proceeded to pour the very hot chocolate onto his privates without realizing, until it made contact, exactly how hot it was. He suffered nasty burns, which gave him a John Wayne walk for weeks, and almost certainly put him out of sexual action for longer than that!”
Want to laugh and learn more? This lesson comes from The Darwin Awards IV: Intelligent Design. Get it here, and learn this lesson before trying out some of the chocolate body paint that’s also available on Amazon.